Helping Your Child Deal With Stress

Is childhood really the carefree and happy time that some adults paint of it? Not always. The reality is that children are under just as much pressure as the rest of us.

Exams are now taken by children as young as six and seven – and children are only too aware of the importance of academic excellence to parents.But these are not the only stressful occasions for children. Peer pressure and bullying are rife, more families are breaking up, and even time off tends to be a relentless bombardment of noise and image in the form of television and computer games.

Stress is neither good nor bad. It assists people in motivation at times but can be paralyzing if it is at too great a level. The degree to which any stressor interferes with well-being varies among children. For example, one child may interpret moving to a new neighborhood as an exciting challenge. To another, it is the end of the world.

It is important to assist children in stress-coping early in life, so they can deal with the stresses that are an inevitable part of life.

Recent research suggest that stress in children may have significant long-term effects on emotional and mental well-being. Doctors studied over 1,800 individuals ranging from 18 to 23 years who had participated in a previous study as young adolescents.Participants comprised an ethnically diverse group with both genders equally represented.Interviews were conducted to ascertain the number of potentially traumatic stressors experienced during the course of their lives as well as to record current symptoms of depressive and anxiety disorders.Based on the interviews, the researchers deduced that stressed children are more likely than their peers to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders in young adulthood.

But it’s not always easy to recognize when your child is “stressed-out”. Short-term behavioral changes such as mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns, or bed-wetting can be indicators of stress. Some children experience physical effects, including stomach aches and headaches. Others have trouble concentrating on or completing schoolwork. Still others become withdrawn or spend a lot of time alone.

Younger children may show signs of reacting to stress by picking up new habits like thumb-sucking, hair-twirling or nose-picking. Older children may begin to lie, bully or defy authority. Parents can also gain a better understanding of their child’s problems by becoming more aware of the stresses in their child’s specific developmental stage.

Barbara Kuczen in her book “Childhood Stress: How to Raise a Healthier, Happier Child” highlights the different stresses a child can go through at different stages. A two-year-old, for example, may experience stress from the fear of strangers, and the loss of parents.

“Toilet training and bedtime are hated,” writes Kuczen. “The loss of a security object may cause stress just as becoming over- stimulated or doing too much causes intense emotional reactions. Extended periods of time spent away from familiar surroundings can also be upsetting.”

A five-year-old may have difficulty going to school for the first time. “They fear separation from mother, and seek approval constantly,” she adds. As children get older, academic and social pressures, and the quest for “status” create stress. In addition, well-meaning parents sometimes add to the stress in their children’s lives.

For example, high-achieving parents often have great expectations of their offspring. Kids who lack their parents’ motivation or capabilities may end up feeling frustrated.

Parents can help their children cope with stress by keeping in mind the following:

* Do not place undue expectations on your child. In our over-achieving society, too often parents expect their youngsters to excel at everything they do and apply a great deal of (usually well- intentioned) pressure on them to do so. But when stress starts to show itself, it may be time to ask if your expectations are too high.

* Listen to your child when he or she describes stressful events or situations. Being a good listener will, first of all, reassure your child that you are there with love and support. Moreover, it will help you better understand how you can help.

* Teach your child good problem-solving skills. Demonstrate how to set priorities and accomplish goals by breaking tasks into manageable portions. Improve your own level of organization and avoid being perceived by your children as always harried and rushed. Help your child learn to break big problems into smaller ones that can be dealt with one at a time.Talk with them about how you have handled stressful situations.

* Rehearse stressful situations.
If speaking in front of a group or making a phone call to an adult is a cause for stress, it can be helpful to talk it through with your child. Discuss how he or she wants the event to take place, and then go through the situation together in a “trial run”. The chance to practice is helpful, and possible difficulties can be solved together.

Most parents have the skills necessary to deal with their child’s stress load. The time to seek professional attention is when any change in behavior persists, or when you have repeatedly tried to resolve the problem and your attempts do not work.

If you are unsuccessful after several attempts to get to the bottom of your child’s troubles, see your pediatrician, talk to the people at school or get professional help.

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