Manners – Relegated to Our Past?
July 15, 2009 by Jo
Filed under Managing Life, Pinoy Pride, Relationships, Traditions
Not too long ago, The Associated Press reported that bad manners were becoming a hallmark of American society. It said that stress from a fast-paced, high-tech existence was taking their toll on civility and politeness.
The same thing is happening in Philippine society, especially in urban areas. Filipinos, who used to be known for their gentility, politeness and courtesy, 
are turning into an uncivil, impolite, boorish people. And it is not just an increasingly high-tech existence, particularly in urban life, that is making it so, it is also the constant pressure of poverty, the push to be aggressive and competitive to be able to get ahead in the daily rat race. It is also caused by self-centeredness, a growing lack of regard for others.
Men no longer stand when ladies join them at the table for conversation. They no longer open doors for women. They no longer give up their seats on buses and the LRT for women and the elderly.
Very few young people still make “mano po,” the traditional gesture of kissing the hands of their elders, for which they get a blessing in return. Like the men, they often do not give up their seats on public transport to the women and old people.
The words “please,” “excuse me” and “thank you” and their Filipino equivalents are falling into disuse in daily conversation. The practice of using “po” or “ho” in talking in Filipino to elders is dying out.
Many people do not practice cell phone ethics. They speak loudly while talking on their cell phones in restaurants, conference halls and other public places. They do not turn off their phones at concerts and plays. Sometimes, in the middle of the andante movement of a piano concerto, a phone rings and its jangling tone distracts the audience and ruins the entire evening for the performer.
The worst manifestation of the breakdown of courtesy is road rage and squabbles over right of way. In the case of bus drivers, the cause is economic: they want to get ahead of the others so that they can get more passengers and earn more from fares on a given trip. In the case of private car owners, it is a desire to be always ahead of the pack. Some may call it machismo, the desire to be the “cock of the walk”. The one who is left behind loses face. In some cases, it is plain rudeness and lack of respect for traffic rules. Many squabbles caused by drivers cutting across the path of other drivers often end in violent, and sometimes, fatal exchanges.
Jeepney drivers do not have any consideration for other drivers. They stop near the middle of intersections to pick up passengers, tying up traffic and making the blood of the other drivers behind them boil.
The breakdown of manners, the loss of civility and common courtesy is making life even more stressful and less civilized in our country, especially in Metro Manila and other urban areas. It’s a jungle out there and people are turning into beasts that no longer have any regard, not to mention respect, for their fellow human beings.
Emerson said, “Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.” Manners, courtesy, civility — call it what you will — it is one thing that distinguishes human beings from most animals. But in some cases, animals may exhibit more courtesy than people.
Yes, the times now are more stressful. Yes, the pressure on people to get ahead in the daily rat race is rising. Yes, poverty and the political and economic uncertainty are making people more aggressive and combative. But these things do not have to turn us into beasts and barbarians.
Common courtesy and civility can make life more bearable in these trying times. It is time to renew the proper show of manners that our ancestors used each and everyday of their lives.
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